I work at Google, so I make a decent (for the Bay Area) amount of money. I have extremely complicated feelings around it, for various ethical and personal reasons. I struggle with questions around it constantly, but I think that one thing that’s true is that we should talk about it more openly, even if it’s complicated or difficult or vulnerable.
I could work less and make less. But, one of the things I feel called to do in the world is to build a home. A home for old dogs and for wandering folks and for kind souls who need escape. A home I hope for children of all people, a home to hold and grow and spread love. I don’t own my house and I do not believe a house is a home. I think that property ownership is problematic, which is not to say it is not possible to do it in genuine love for others and yourself, but I believe that it is hard and not all who rise to the occasion meet it. I’m not sure that I can at this time.
At this point I am working harder to attain higher levels at Google (Google has levels). I am trying to gain these higher levels in order to garner resources inside of Google to the end of building infrastructure for cross-language sharing of wisdom and deep knowledge. Although getting to higher levels means more $$$ I am being careful about how much I save and that I am doing so with intention. For instance, I have donated enough that I have saved minimally, during the COVID crisis — I believe that my money is better off in the community and I try to donate to local causes which provide the material basis of dignified life to those in nearby communities. I do not believe that it is wrong to send our money broadly, but I do believe that it can be harder to know what the effect of our money is in those cases (and even to know if it does harm).
I am not looking forward to making more money — I view money as a great responsibility. It is hard to not be judgmental to those who I know who have significant money and do not treat it as an obligation to do good for those they love (and to love as broadly as possible). I truly believe that “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” I believe that the material basis of our reality is mediated by a system of capitalism which is fundamentally oppressive, and to participate passively in that system by over-consuming is to participate in oppression. This does not mean that I am perfect in this regard, but I think about it often, and I am trying to grow. It is not easy (and this isn’t a complaint obviously) to figure out how to use money justly and I judge myself harshly for what I do with it.
I believe that humans accrue a tremendous karmic debt on earth — that all that we do involves consumption of resources, life, and order. We spread chaos through our very being in reality. I believe that the foundation of ethics must be based in an understanding of this consumption and a strategic investment of our time and energy into creating enough good (however one defines it: beauty, harmony, love, etc…). This must begin with the self and must continue to touch all aspects of life. To me, this ethical obligation isn’t guided by some sort of sword of Judgement (though I do believe that the Universe is Just and that this Justice must be respected), but by the recognition that following our ethical obligations is in accord with our lives at all levels. An ethical understanding is just to say: if you do this, there will be Bad, but if you do that, it will be Good. And maybe those understandings of Bad and Good are off, and we work to refine them in accord with a deeper and vaster intuition which can’t be written of, in words.
